In Freeport, Kansas a man was arrested for crop dusting. The MO of the assailant seems to be consistent, he leads the victim/s staying short distance ahead, and then at the right moment in a stealthy manner the criminal releases distasteful flatulence in efforts to cause harmful effects to the trailing victim/s. A local resident was victimized while walking 8 to 10 feet behind the criminal mastermind on Grande Ave which led to his arrest.

The resident is expected to make a full recovery. As for the Criminal he is expected to serve 18 months on a first degree crop dusting charges.

The time has come for Santa to come down from the North Pole to visit local malls and listen to what little boys and girls want for Christmas. Unfortunately for the Nittany Mall, located near the heart of Penn State University in Pennsylvania Gerald Sandusky was Santa’s helper as his double and has worked in the mall for the past 12 years. He is now taking legal action against the local mall for terminating his Santa Contract. Gerald the former assistant football coach at Penn State is currently being charged with molesting 8 boys.

The University Students are outraged over the malls actions and demand his employment to be reinstated immediately so they can sit on his lap and tell him the latest Xbox 360 and PS3 games they want for Christmas. On the other hand local residents are appalled and support the Malls decisions. The Nittany Mall didn’t return our phone calls for comment.

Not the reason but no purpose.

There are 3 reasons why Ty Wenger article on “5 Things Super Happy Couples Do Every Day” is horrible.

First let’s look at his sex analogy that it “is like chocolate cake. After five days of eating chocolate cake, even chocolate cake doesn’t taste that great.” This analogy is horrible because Chocolate Cake is completely unhealthy and it can be enjoyed wherever, whenever and with whomever you want. Once married a person is off the market and bound to have sex with one individual and is physically healthy. Obviously sex is completely opposite from chocolate cake.

Secondly the article suggests couples to “talk sexy every day” wait a minute. Let’s revert back to the Chocolate Cake analogy of “After five days of eating chocolate cake, even chocolate cake doesn’t taste that great.” Can you say hypocrite?

Finally the article justifies minimal sex on an average. Well in that case our median household income exceeds our States average of $50,000 so we should reduce our working hours or request a reduction of pay to meet the average income.

Obviously Ty sexual partner lacks interest and manipulated him to support her horrifying theory and hopes after reading his article he will receive a blow job.

Now unlike Ty bullshit theory based on 1 or 2 stories my theory is based on a study by Sandra Lieblum a director of Robert Wood Johnson Medical School that “Men need a place for sex and women need a purpose”. So women’s sexual drive will deteriorate as their wants and needs are fulfilled with a relationship, gift, self-esteem, status, marriage, kid, etc…

Super Happy my ass, it’s called coping and accepting that your sex life is no more. At least you still have Rosie Palmer.

The average American worker is finding new ways to be frugal and efficient with personal time. Studies are showing employees are taking care of personal business at work more frequently during the past 3 years. What business is this? Well some refer to it as dropping the kids off, number 2 or simply taking a shit.

An average American consumes 57 sheets of toilet paper per day. That is 20,805 sheets per year. Now a cost for 9 big rolls of “Charmin Ultra Strong” Bathroom Tissue cost $12.50 which contains a total of 1,584 sheets. That is slightly over 13 packs of “Charmin Ultra Strong” which; costs an average consumer $162.50 annually.

Also an average American will spend 25 hours and 20 minutes on the toilet paper per year. Taking a deuce at work maximizes the amount of family and personal time at home, plus you get paid to do it. That’s right employees are spending over 3 working days a year on a porcelain chair.

Do you take a deuce at work? If not, and your strapped for extra cash or short on time; get paid and gain more personal time by utilizing the porcelain chair at work. Also this will obviously decrease the damage to the home porcelain and resulting is less cleaning. So clean less and work smart and start shitting at work.